Gaia Community: ingebrita's Blog

Local eggs!

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:24:35 GMT

For a while now we've been seeing chickens in a large grassy field on our way home from shopping. At first there were just a few chickens, but as time went on there seemed to be more and more of them each time we went by. There was a sign saying "farm fresh eggs," but nobody seemed to be there. However, the other day we finally saw a car parked in the driveway and decided to check the place out.

A warm and friendly man appeared and introduced himself, saying that he kept running out of eggs by late morning so he kept ordering more and more chickens. It was heartening to learn that there is such a demand locally for eggs from free-range chickens! He now has 400 chickens, several different breeds, and they are such a pleasure to watch! The owner, a doctor, showed us where the refrigerator was and explained that he used the honor system - we could help ourselves any time and leave the money in a box by the refrigerator. Amazing! We bought two dozen.

We make a big effort to buy locally or organically (preferably both) grown/raised food whenever possible, out of love for Mother Earth. And it is generally accepted that true free-range chickens do produce more nutritious eggs. One study claims their eggs have one-fourth to one-third less cholesterol; one-fourth less saturated fat; two-thirds more Vitamin A; twice the Omega-3 fatty acids; three times more Vitamin E; and five times more beta carotene.

Up until now we've been buying eggs from so-called free-range chickens at the regular grocery store, and paying more for them, too, because of our consciences. But now I understand that "free-range" can mean "that a commercial animal has access to the outdoors for just minutes a day, with their diet regulated by their producer." Now that's disturbing...

So, I went home ecstatic now that I can see with my own eyes the truly free-range chickens who lay the eggs we'll be eating from now on!

Tags: eggs, free-range chickens

September Changes

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 11:40:34 GMT

In the past few years the month of September has brought major changes to my life.

Three years ago, my body-mind came out of the Dark Ages with a visit to a compassionate neurologist who started me on a medication regimen that got my migraines "under control" for the first time in my life. I'm still getting used to a life without unrelenting pain. After three years it still feels foreign and new. Knowing that I'm still triggering migraines but that I can abort them within an hour with some Zomig has made me very grateful for Science.

Two years ago my husband survived a heart attack and triple bypass surgery. Even more gratitude for Science and the kindness of doctors. But there was a negative in this, too. Even though we had (and still have) expensive health insurance, it didn't cover much when all was said and done, and if it wasn't for the kindness and generosity of my father and Tim's aunt helping us out we might have lost our home to pay our medical bills by now. We could have been like the thousands of others President Obama hears from every day... This makes me uneasy because with his heart disease Tim is likely to have another heart attack sooner or later. And even with prescription coverage we still pay about $200 a month for seven prescriptions between us. When will people understand that public insurance and health care is not to be feared? That it can coexist with private insurance the way public and private universities coexist?

One year ago I found Gaia on the internet!!! I never had to become grateful for Spirit, but I've become so grateful to have found so many kindred spirits here!! Friends from all over the world who have quickly become very dear to me and who I never would have met otherwise! Friends who have introduced me to Reiki and who love quotes and believe in synchronicity, intuition and magic... What a beautiful, safe, wonderful place this is!

And now this September we're rearranging our condo! My sister spends several nights a week here because of her job and sleeping arrangements have been complicated and unsatisfactory since Tim's heart attack - it's a long story involving snoring and heating and air conditioning and constantly changing schedules and trying to accommodate everyone's health problems and requirements for a good night's sleep. The past few days for some reason the three of us just started brainstorming and have come up with an amazing plan! (And wondering why we didn't think of this sooner... Sometimes people can get so overwhelmed by a situation that they just keep muddling along feeling powerless to do anything about it...) There will even be a place to set up my new Reiki table. Our son Nate is coming over tomorrow to help start the process of moving furniture - every room in the house (except the bathroom and the laundry room!) will be very different when we're done and it will probably take a few long days of hard work. When we're done improving the functionality I'm looking forward to the pleasure and challenge of redecorating with a new focus on Spirit!

"Whether in the intellectual pursuits of science or in the mystical pursuits of the spirit, the light beckons ahead, and the purpose surging in our nature responds."
~ Arthur Eddington

Tags: health, home, place, science, spirit

Where do your answers come from?

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:50:56 GMT

In the past, too often from the wrong place, from dogma or doctrine, whether religious or scientific. More often lately from my inner-knowing, intuition, and synchronicity, which I've finally learned to trust. And I've also come to accept and be content with what Thoreau so wisely stated: "A good question is never answered."

And as Barry Lopez said: "There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."

Tags: Q&R, answers, questions, origin, intuition

Afternoon on a Hill

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:35:25 GMT

For some reason this poem popped into my mind this morning... It's a bit of nostalgia - I fell in love with Edna St. Vincent Millay when I was a teen. Years later I found a statue of her in Camden, Maine... Seems appropriate for this time of year.

Afternoon on a Hill

I will be the gladdest thing
   Under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers
   And not pick one.

I will look at cliffs and clouds
   With quiet eyes,
Watch the wind bow down the grass,
   And the grass rise.

And when lights begin to show
   Up from the town,
I will mark which must be mine,
   And then start down!

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Tags: Afternoon on a Hill, Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Unhealthy for sensitive groups..."

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:36:04 GMT

That's the Weather Channel's assessment of the air quality here today. Add a high pollen count and it looks like another day inside. Augusts are never easy for me...

But I'm making the best of it. Yesterday while doing my Reiki I started thinking about a book I bought at the Book Barn a few months ago, Wellsprings of the Deer by Montague Whitsel. On the cover was a picture of a stag standing in a winter forest with a body of water behind him, no doubt a wellspring, and since Deer is my animal spirit guide I judged the used book by its striking cover and brought it home. But I've been too busy and overwhelmed to read it. So yesterday I started reading it between loads of laundry and had a hard time putting it down to get back to work. I know nothing about Celtic spirituality, but I was delighted to learn that deer represent seekers! And wellsprings are "symbolic of hidden psychic treasures and the spiritual depths of life itself." And so I begin my exploration of another segment of my spiritual journey.

Tags: deer, seekers, spiritual journeys, wellsprings

Asian Longhorned Beetle

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 11:44:04 GMT

It seems there is a potential new threat to our forests here in Connecticut, especially for the maples, birches, elms and willows, and our governor has designated August "Asian Longhorned Beetle Awareness Month."

"The Asian Longhorned Beetle has no natural enemies and there is no effective insecticide to control it. Once a tree is attacked by the beetle, the only remedy is to cut it down. It has the potential for more damage than infestations by gypsy moths, Dutch elm disease and the chestnut blight combined. It has already been discovered in neighboring states so we must all be extremely vigilant and take the necessary precautions to prevent the spread of an infestation. We risk losing one of our most precious and beautiful resources if this destructive insect takes hold."
~ Gov. Rell

http://www.aphis.usda.gov/plant_health/plant_pest_info/asian_lhb/index.shtml

Gov. Rell didn't mention another insect pest, the hemlock woolly adelgid (Adelges tsugae), also from Asia, which has been slowly and steadily killing so many hemlocks across the state, including a large percentage of the trees surrounding my dad's house. I was lucky to grow up in th woods, and it's been sad watching this gradual devastation take hold. It's been years since I've seen the gentle snow-covered hemlocks of my childhood winters. Just skeletons of these once majestic trees remain standing there, stripped of their beauty, for a few years until they finally fall and finish dying.

When my kids were very young I well remember the gypsy moth infestations. One of my sons spent a lot of time doing what he considered to be his civic duty, jumping on and squashing the ones crawling on the ground. We used to have to check and scrape off his sneakers when he came inside. Not sure how that plague disappeared - it didn't kill the whole tree, just ate all the leaves in a bad year, and the tree could recover next season. I think the weather affected the gypsy moth caterpillar population explosions.

My grandparents treasured their elm tree, a rare survivor of Dutch elm disease, in their yard out on Cape Cod. And my dad found a few chestnut tree saplings while visiting relatives in Pennsylvania. He took one and brought it home and planted it near his bedroom window. It's as tall as the house now and he loves to tell us over and over again how he came by it. I'm glad it's there to comfort him in his decline. We decorated it with flower garlands for Midsummer and brought him outside in his wheelchair to enjoy if for a while.

What would Connecticut be without our forests? I can't even imagine it. I hope the vigilance and precautionary measures that Gov. Rell is urging upon us will be followed...

Tags: Asian Longhorned Beetle, trees

Do you think of yourself as a curious person?

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 14:15:11 GMT

I think I'm insatiably curious about certain things, like who my ancestors were or why people act a certain way and make the choices they do. I'm very curious about what others think and about where different spiritual paths lead. I'm curious about the wonders found in nature. But I'm not at all curious about how a car engine or a computer works, just very thankful that there are people who are curious enough about them to keep them in working order!

Tags: Q&R, curiosity, curiousness

Floundering

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 11:04:24 GMT

to make clumsy attempts to move or regain one's balance
to move or act clumsily and in confusion
to struggle to move or obtain footing
to proceed or act clumsily or ineffectually

The above definitions perfectly describe our lives the past five weeks. This morning it hit me: I'm floundering...

Everyone needs a break from the routine, but right now I desperately need a routine from which to take that break!!! Tim's lucky to have a job so I shouldn't be complaining, but he's kind of dangling between two jobs and his hours have been wildly unpredictable and erratic. Night shifts, day shifts, half shifts, a few hours here, a few hours there, or even fifteen hours, a little of this job, a little of that job... He seems to have permanent jet lag. Must be what it's like being married to a doctor! Things are supposed to settle down soon, when they fill his old temporary spot, and I might believe it when it happens, but even then I'm not so sure... It's been hard to know when to do what, like preparing a meal. Chicken and brown rice at 6:00 a.m.? Well, all right then, but I need some warning and an hour to pull it off! Yesterday I wound up taking two three hour naps during the daytime. Honestly, I don't know how much longer we can keep this madness going...

Maybe I needed a good dose of floundering to gain some appreciation for the monotony of routine!

Tags: floundering, routine

Shenandoah National Park

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:02:09 GMT

We had a wonderful time at Tim's family's gathering in Shenandoah National Park in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Tim's stepdad died in December and somehow his widow, Liz, planned this beautiful memorial and get-together out in nature for his children and their families. (He had two stepsons and four sons from his second marriage and four stepdaughters from his third marriage - and all ten of them were there, including the two sons who live in Europe.) It turns out that my "stepsisters-in-law" love hiking in the woods as much as I do and we were in blissful awe of the majestic mountain beauty surrounding us. Skyland Resort (3,680 ft.) was more like a summer camp that a resort! I was also impressed with the eco-friendliness of the management. The bathroom had frequent visitors - spiders, the likes of which I had never seen before - and I was amused to read in a pamphlet, the day before we left, that there was an "Integrated Pest Management Team" I could have contacted to "take care of the situation." I saw more deer each day than I had encountered in my whole life, and on one hike we were blessed to cross paths with a bear! He was busy looking for food, overturning rocks for grubs, etc., but I finally got his attention and he looked right at me! I was thrilled! That wildflower in front of him we looked up; it's called fly-poison, a literal translation of "A. muscaetoxicum." It's in the lily family and was blooming everywhere. There was also a 33 acre meadow we visited twice. Mid-day it was full of butterflies, but at dusk it was full of grazing deer for as far as the eye could see. We hiked 1,000 feet down Whiteoak Canyon and it took us twice as long to get back up! We flew kites, played croquet and darts, and talked with relatives for hours on end. Tim & I were so exhausted from the excitement and activities that when we left for the 10+ hour drive home we were too exhausted to drive safely, so we stopped after a couple of hours at a hotel on the Maryland/Pennsylvania border and started out again the next day. The mountains are spectacular, but it was good getting back to sea level and home again!

Tags: bear, Blue Ridge Mountains, deer, family gathering, hiking, Shenandoah National Park, Virginia

Midsummer magic...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:42:12 GMT

A week ago I drew a card telling me that my ancestral spirit guides were offering me guidance now and to pay close attention to signs and omens from them. Three things have happened in the past week that seem like signs to me...

One morning my sister, who lives with my father, called and was quite upset because when she went in to get my father up for the day, he seemed to be disoriented and asked her to go get my mother, who died 18 years ago. He had seen her and was convinced that she was in the next room. And he totally refused to get out of bed that day. My sister didn't know what to do. But I'm thinking he probably did see my mother, as I sense that she's been around since my doe visited me in November, and had recently begun to think that part of the message she may have been trying to deliver to me was that she would be taking care of my father now.

Another morning my sister gave me a letter that had turned up out of the blue while she was cleaning house. It was written by my grandfather to all of us, and was postmarked 25 days before the day my mother died. It was a creative story about his model train village and what was going on there, written probably to cheer up my mother, his only daughter, who was dying of cancer. He couldn't come to visit her because he had to care for my grandmother, who had dementia and was not yet in a nursing home. It made me realize now how torn he must have felt between caring for his wife and his daughter. Perhaps even similar to the way I feel now, torn between helping to care for my frail father and staying home to support my husband, who hasn't had a chance yet to fully recover and change his lifestyle since his heart attack a year and eight months ago. It's been a painful choice to make, but I think now my grandfather helped me to make it, and I'm happy to report that my husband and I are now getting walks into our routine and pills taken on time. His doctor has referred us to a dietitian, too, and I know none of this would have happened if I was still running up to my father's several days a week.

Yesterday, another sign. My sister and I are excitedly planning our third annual Scandinavian-style Midsummer party in her garden. Last year a Luna moth made an appearance for the event. This year I thought we might try a frozen vodka. (You freeze a bottle of vodka in an empty milk carton surrounded by flowers suspended in water, which should look pretty when removed from the carton...) I went to the package store to get a bottle of vodka and there, to my surprise and delight, all by itself on the shelf, was a blue bottle (my favorite color and I collect blue bottles) of Christiania vodka from Norway. I am most drawn to my Norwegian heritage and our 5th great-grandmother's name was Christiania! (She was born about 1748 in Brevik, Norway.) Maybe in time I will understand if Christiania has a message for me too...

Tags: ancestors, midsummer, omens, signs, spirits

Dave Matthews Band ~ 1 June 2009

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:43:39 GMT

Dave Matthews Band ~ 1 June 2009 ~ Beacon Theatre, New York, New York

Lyrics, Lead Vocal, Guitars: Dave Matthews
Violin, Vocal: Boyd Tinsley
Drums, Vocal: Carter Beauford
Bass: Stefan Lessard
Saxophone, Flute: Jeff Coffin
Electric Guitar: Tim Reynolds
Trumpet, Vocal: Rashawn Ross

Oh my, what an amazing show! The internet is certainly changing our world. Seeing this concert last night broadcast live on FUSE TV over the internet - a new way for me to experience a concert. It was a little like watching a concert DVD, but not exactly, because it was in "real" time. I had the sense that I was there, watching it unfold. And I didn't have to deal with any "crowd anxiety," so in some ways it was better than live... I'm still looking forward to seeing them under the stars in Saratoga, though. If last night's performance is any indication of where they are headed, I'm in for a special treat!

The group did an interview on CBS's Sunday Morning the day before. They told about how they were having a lot of personal problems between themselves. Before he died, LeRoi Moore confronted Dave Matthews and advised him that he needed to start leading the band again, but Dave's response was to send them all a letter telling them he was through, that he could not lead them. But the letter caused them all to talk and lay their cards on the table and take a fresh look at things. And they started coming together again on their new album, Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. And then LeRoi, the GrooGrux King, died suddenly and it brought them all even closer together. Carter Beauford feels they have matured through this crisis, and that LeRoi was the one who shined the light to show them the way. LeRoi is still very much with them. They went back to their roots and have come up, new growth on the original plant. Last night Dave said that LeRoi shined the light on what they had and so they found out how they did it again.

Personally, I only liked a few of the songs on the Stand Up album, and felt that the producer had led them astray from their synergy and concentrated too much on working with them individually. But I loved the energy from every song from the new album that they played last night - they all sounded like DMB songs! They have three excellent musicians joining them for this tour. Guitar wizard Tim Reynolds humbly performed his magic, adding his stunning talent to the mix. Rashawn Ross was back with his super trumpet playing and surprised me with a great voice, singing back-up for Dave. Jeff Coffin, saxophonist for Béla Fleck & The Flecktones, completed the group with his own mesmerizing and sometimes playful way of relating to this group... Yes, I'm thrilled! My band is back! Dave is once again doing what he does best, writing and singing songs with deep and deceptively simple lyrics, and surrounding himself with (and reluctantly leading) top-notch musicians who bring it all together in a captivating way.

The concert lasted three hours and I was laughing and crying and yawning and dancing while sitting on the couch. I had fallen asleep at least three times waiting for it to begin, so Tim set an alarm, and I was awake when it began. Dave has twin daughters, one of them is named Grace, a word and name he has used often in his songs. One day the other twin, named Stella, asked him when he was going to put her in a song! So he wrote Alligator Pie for her - and it is a delightful song! I loved that story. Corn Bread has evolved into a great love song. Why I Am was dedicated to LeRoi because he was in on the creative beginning of it and liked it. Dreaming Tree was followed by an amazing jam featuring the sax, flute and trumpet. #41 went on forever with lots of jazz, Carter and Jeff playing with each other on drums and the saxophone, and a nice long solo for Tim. The last song in the encore was Grey Street, a song full of personal meaning for me, a perfect conclusion.

Set List:
Funny the Way It Is; Alligator Pie; Space Man; Corn Bread; Seven; Out of My Hands; Why I Am; Dreaming Tree; You Might Die Trying; Everyday; Sister; So Damn Lucky; Squirm; Ants Marching; #41; Time Bomb; Two Step
[encore]
Rye Whiskey; Don't Drink the Water; Grey Street

Tags: 2009, Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King, Dave Matthews Band

Canada goose family walk...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Mon, 25 May 2009 13:06:27 GMT

Yesterday we were about to start our morning walk in the mist when we heard a clap of not-too-distant thunder. So we got back in the car and decided to watch two Canada geese families weather the storm. One family had four little ones and an unattached aunt or uncle spending time with them. The other family only had two goslings, and they were smaller than the four the other family had. Not sure if they were younger or just smaller for some reason. Dad had an awfully ugly and uncomfortable looking tag around his neck. They were all strolling along at leisurely pace, grazing on the grass...

When the rain started the smaller goslings made a mad dash for their mom, who indulged them for a bit by letting them huddle underneath her. The larger ones looked curious and flapped their wings a few times, imitating their parents. Then they all stood quite still for several minutes, facing into the wind and thrusting their chests out in front of them. After that they decided to ignore the rain and continued walking and feeding. When one of the small goslings got to a small puddle that had formed in the grass, he walked in, but when it got deeper he was surprised and suddenly started swimming, almost tipping over! He looked just as surprised when he had to start walking again!

Wish the pictures had come out better, but I did learn a few more things about my camera. Fiddled with settings and kept wiping rain drops off, and got petty soaked in the process. I know Canada Geese are pretty commonplace, but they were still a wonder to observe more closely than we usually bother, to take the time to enjoy them.

Tags: Canada goose, Eastern Point, walk

A tree's unusual journey...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 19:20:07 GMT

"A Murmur in the Trees - to note -
Not loud enough - for Wind -
A Star - not far enough to seek -
Nor near enough - to find -"
~ Emily Dickinson (The Poems of Emily Dickinson)

Tags: Emily Dickinson, search, stars, trees

Viruses...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Tue, 19 May 2009 10:37:49 GMT

In the wee hours of yesterday morning my sister came downstairs looking for something to relieve a very sore throat. We gave her some all natural throat lozenges and she was able to go back to sleep... When she woke up in the morning she had horrible laryngitis and had gone through more than half the bag of lozenges. Yikes! But she went into work anyway - she's a college professor scrambling to get all her students' projects done and grades submitted by the 21st. Will have to call her at home today and see how she's doing. Of course the possibility of the H1N1 virus concerns me.

When this whole swine flu scare began my father, who was a research virologist before he retired, had been following the news reports with his usual scientific curiosity and scrutiny. With his poor short term memory it was nice to see him focused for a little while. He didn't say much, but once started chuckling and asked aloud, "Now wouldn't that be ironic if a virologist wound up dying in a flu virus epidemic?" The idea clearly amuses him as he is in such poor health he often tells us that it is time for him to die but death won't come.

It kind of puzzles me about the media take on all this. At first they seemed to be in such a panic. Then they started analyzing their own reaction to it. Now they're playing it down and I wonder why. When the 55 year old assistant principal in New York City died they said he "had preexisting health conditions." What is that supposed to mean? His death didn't really count somehow? There aren't many of us who don't have preexisting health conditions! He was healthy enough to hold down a job. It will be interesting to see how this develops.

Tags: H1N1

Marconi Station Site...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Fri, 15 May 2009 19:59:49 GMT

Larisa gave me a book, In the Footsteps of Thoreau: 25 Historic & Nature Walks on Cape Cod, which I took along with me on our getaway to the Cape last weekend. We spent a little time at the Marconi Station Site, a part of Cape Cod National Seashore in Wellfleet. We've been going there our whole lives, but the views still inspire awe. Being on the Cape's outer beach gently reminds me that nothing lasts forever, and to treasure each moment I'm given on this ever-shifting seashore. Here I've often felt time stand still and a powerful unity with the earth and the universe...

Cape Cod is the world's largest glacial peninsula. The glacial bluffs of the outer beach are eroding and will eventually be swallowed up by the sea. Maybe sooner then previously thought if global warming continues to speed up. Not too far offshore are hundreds of shipwrecks caused by the Cape's rips, shoals and storms. A pirate ship lies on the bottom out from this part of the beach, and when weather permits, Expedition Whydah continues to dig up more artifacts which can be seen at the museum in Provincetown.

It's as if Mother Nature is saying, "Here is one place you will not build." No one can claim these beautiful views for himself. We cannot follow all of Thoreau's footsteps today because many of them are already buried by the sea. Thoreau had this to say of Cape Cod's outer beach, about 150 years ago:

"They commonly celebrate those beaches only which have a hotel on them, or those which have a humane house alone. But I wished to see that sea-shore where man's works are wrecks; to put up at the true Atlantic House, where the ocean is land-lord as well as sea-lord, and comes ashore without a wharf for the landing; where the crumbling land is only invalid or at best but dry land, and that is all you can say of it."
~ Henry David Thoreau (In the Footsteps of Thoreau: 25 Historic & Nature Walks on Cape Cod)

And even the Marconi Station, built only about 100 years ago, has been claimed by the sea. A little bit of history:
"Marconi Station, on the Atlantic side of the Cape's forearm, is the site of the first transatlantic wireless station erected on the U.S. mainland. Italian radio and wireless-telegraphy pioneer Guglielmo Marconi sent the first American wireless message from here to Europe - 'most cordial greetings and good wishes' from President Theodore Roosevelt to King Edward VII of England - on January 18, 1903. The station broadcasted news for 15 years. An outdoor shelter contains a model of the original station, of which only fragments remain as a result of cliff erosion; parts of the tower bases are sometimes visible on the beach below, where they fell."
~ Fodor's

Tags: Cape Cod National Seashore, Expedition Whydah, Henry David Thoreau, Marconi Station Site

Beech Forest Trail...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:42:50 GMT

One of the things we did on our anniversary was take a walk on Beech Forest Trail at Cape Cod National Seashore. It felt so peaceful and invigorating being out in the salty fresh air and filtered sunlight... At one point a little chickadee flew very close to me and landed on a branch at eye-level, just inches from me. I put out my hand but he declined to land on it, disappointed because I had no seeds for him. But he stayed close and talked to me for a bit, posing for pictures on his little branch. Unfortunately the pictures came out blurry! However, a little farther along the trail, someone had put out a few seeds for the birds on a stump, but an adorable red squirrel was hogging that feast! He wouldn't pose for my camera, but didn't mind if I got close and tried to get a few shots with the "children and pets" setting. I'm now thinking perhaps the chickadee was asking me to shoo the red squirrel away from the seeds...

Tags: Beech Forest Trail, Cape Cod National Seashore, chickadee, red squirrel, walking

A journey of one inch...

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:17:05 GMT

"And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles, no matter how long, but only by a spiritual journey, a journey of one inch, very arduous and humbling and joyful, by which we arrive at the ground at our feet, and learn to be at home."
~ Wendell Berry (The Unforeseen Wilderness)

Coast violet is an endangered species in Connecticut.

Tags: coast violet, journey, joy, nature, spirit, Wendell Berry, wildflower

Memorial for Emily Jane ~ October 15, 1985

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Mon, 04 May 2009 11:34:23 GMT

Some may find the following story morbid or overly sentimental so please consider yourself warned. I'm so tired and worn out from keeping things that matter to me bottled up for so many years... Fawn image

I'm learning about spiritual energy, little by little, and how unresolved grief can block the flow of it. Last month I started getting Reiki treatments and this has led to a surprising and unanticipated discovery. It wasn't until just before my fourth session that the visions my master practitioner had during the first two sessions started to make sense to me. The first was of a very newborn fawn, the second was of fairies and fireflies above my abdomen. The only thing that came to mind about fireflies was the painting "Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose" by John Singer Sargent - a print of it has been hanging in my home for years.

Also in April, on a routine visit to my gynecologist, a lump was found on my uterus and so I was scheduled for a biopsy the following week. When the day for the biopsy came, for some reason I could not fathom, I started intensely missing my grandfather, even though he had died in April eight long years ago. I cried for the longest time before leaving for my appointment. When they were ready to begin, however, the lump was gone - no trace of it to be found - much to the bewilderment of the doctor! Could it be the Reiki? I wondered...

For the third Reiki session crystals were added and it felt more powerful, but I was still focused on my current problems in life. Then I had an unexpectedly nice day with my aunt. She needed some jewelry repaired and wanted a new watch so we went to her favorite jewelry store where she was waited on as if she was royalty, not a poor little 94 year-old woman living in elderly housing. When the shop owner asked if we were related, Auntie said, "Oh yes! She's my niece and my guardian angel - I couldn't live without her!" I was astonished! She is usually quite negative, abrupt and demanding. Hearing her say that made everything feel different!

A couple of days later, out of the blue, the symbols and synchronicity suddenly made sense! I now believe that my doe was preparing me for this understanding last November, when she looked into my eyes for over an hour. I had a miscarriage 23 years ago that I never had a chance to grieve. Auntie was the only one who seemed to care, and she came over and ran my house for a few days; my other kids were 9, 7 and 4 at the time. The rest of my extended family said the fetus was probably abnormal and it was a blessing that nature got rid of it. The fetus. As if it was just a medical event. She wasn't a fetus to me.

When does a fetus become a daughter? When her mother and big sister fall in love with her I think. For a very long time my little four-year-old Larisa would pray out loud every day that she was so sad the baby died. I always wanted to have two sons and two daughters, the perfect family. I'm starting to understand that I did have two daughters, and one of them died. A loss to acknowledge and mourn. To do so I felt she needed a name and a date. Crying and crying, I pulled out my old calendars and finally found where I had written, "miscarriage," on October 15, 1985. So I plan to remember this date from now on, in the same way I remember my mother's death date.

A name. Naming patterns in different cultures and historical time periods are studied in genealogy. It used to make me sad researching my mother's New England ancestors. Back then they didn't seem to "waste" names on children who died. So many died in childhood that perhaps parents couldn't afford it psychologically to get sentimental about it. If a baby died when he was three days old they usually didn't bother to name him. If a child was named and died sometime during his childhood, say at ten years of age, the parents would give his name again to the next son they had. It was as if personal identity didn't matter quite so much as the importance of keeping a name alive, carrying it forward to next generation. On the other hand, my Ukrainian grandparents lost three children, and never used one of their names for a younger child.

I think I was missing my grandfather so keenly the morning of the biopsy - that didn't happen - because this baby needed to be named after him. My first three children had middle names from three of my grandparents. So now, my sweet Emily Jane, I have finally honored your memory with a name and a story. You have been named for my beloved, kind, and dearly missed grandfather - Jane is the feminine of John - and for the author of the most amazing poetry I've ever read, Emily Dickinson. You are no doubt the beautiful newborn baby fawn Tania saw during that first Reiki session.

And now I understand the connection between my loving the "Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose" painting and the vision of fireflies above my empty uterus. Not sure if there are actually any fireflies in the picture, but it sure looks like there could be. And the two little girls represent the dream I once had of my own two little girls growing up together.

Tags: Emily Dickinson, Emily Jane, fawn, grief, John Everett White, miscarriage, names, Reiki

Earth Day

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 09:42:29 GMT

When I checked my email this morning I had received a Ben Harper Newsletter announcing:
Earth Day Nat Geo Music broadcast April 22nd
Reminder! To celebrate Earth Day, Nat Geo Music channel is hosting a live broadcast concert featuring Ben Harper & Relentless7 in Rome's famed Piazza del Popolo. The free concert will air live 4/22 at 8pm in Italy (2pm ET USA) and will be featured simultaneously on Nat Geo Music channel in the USA and Nat Geo/Earth Day internationally.

We're also planning to catch the new movie, Earth, about a year in the life of the creatures on our planet. The trailer by itself was enough to give me a lump in my throat... For every ticket sold Disney will plant a tree. Which brings me to Arbor Day, which is Friday...

When I was in Storrs Grammar School in the mid-1960s, to mark Arbor Day one year, three classes planted three evergreen trees on the corner of the school property. We all wrote our names on a piece of paper and put the papers into three waterproof jars and buried them with the roots of each tree. Those trees are huge now! I drive by them several times a week on my way to visit my dad. The old grammar school is now the town hall. This is one of my few memories of my very early years at school, so I know it made a deep impression on me.

In honor of Earth Day today...

"The planet you're standing on
looking out at the stars
is the earth, the third planet from the sun

and the mildest
and softest
of the nine....

If you can stop, and let yourself look,
let your eyes do
what they do best,
stop
and let yourself see and see
that everything is doing things
to you
as you do things to everything.

Then you know
that although it is only a little planet
it is hugely beautiful
and surely the finest place in the world
to be.

So watch it, look at it
see what it's like
to walk around on it

It's small but it's beautiful
it's small but it's fine
like a rainbow,

like a bubble."

~ Lawrence Collins (Only a Little Planet)
image

Tags: Arbor Day, earth, Earth Day, Lawrence Collins, movie, music, National Geographic

Bernie

http://ingebrita.gaia.com — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 16:32:50 GMT

The cat above is named Bernie, a delightfully domestic old fellow who is still in touch with his inner bobcat. He was born in New Mexico and is at least 17 years old. My sister and her husband adopted him from a shelter while they were living there. They also adopted an iguana named Lizzie and a spider named Olivia - all of them had the run of their hovel, which is what my sister affectionately called their very modest duplex. When it came time to move back to Connecticut Lizzie and Olivia were left behind to other good homes, but Bernie was brought to the land of trees and snow...

It was quite an adjustment for him. He is a very athletic outdoorsy sort of cat who used to love running just for the sheer joy of it. When my daughter's cat was living there with him for a while he would try and get her to play tag, but she just looked at him like he had to be kidding... He enjoyed exploring the woods, but his main objection to Connecticut was the long snowy winters here. Whenever it snowed he would go from window to window yowling, hoping to somehow spot a landscape without snow. My brother-in-law took pity on him, and to this day shovels a few paths through the snow so Bernie can get his exercise without too much contact with the white stuff.

A few years ago he was taken to a veterinary ophthalmologist for a problem with his eyes. They think he may have Lyme Disease, but whatever it is it has gradually robbed him of his vision. They give him eye drops every day to slow down the progression, but he is now blind. He does very well, though. He still catches mice - we can't figure out how. He gets around the house pretty well because most things stay where they are, but he bumps into people, my dad's wheelchair and stray laundry baskets or shopping bags inadvertently left in his path. He seems to take it all in stride, though.

Since he had a run in with a fisher they aren't letting Bernie outside by himself any longer. They've also had two coyotes near the house. He gets several walks a day with whoever is on hand to escort him. Last week Bernie and I took a walk and had a good time exploring the bushes, flowers and trees. And I got this picture of him coming toward me, only possible because he doesn't run anymore. He walks very carefully, but doesn't seem to feel sorry for himself. I admire his spirit of acceptance and adaptation, making the best of things.

Tags: Bernie, blindness